First things first. This is not about me.
The struggle with being a Christian creator in the world today, is that our culture screams that it's all about you. But for those of us who have a relationship with the Father, we know this is not true. It's all about HIM. We exist to glorify Him. We have been given gifts, every single one of us, not to be used for our own glory, or for the ability to boast, but so that we may point others to Him.
And it is for that reason why I am sitting here typing this at 37 years old. THIRTY-SEVEN. I know that's not that old, but I had big dreams when I was younger. This is not my first rodeo with wanting to being an author-illustrator. I was super disappointed in myself when I turned 20 and had no publishing credits to my name.
Man, I had so much to learn.
I'm so glad God didn't hand me my dream 17 years ago. I wasn't ready. I've since gotten to experience sweet tender seasons of newlywed bliss, being a ministry partner to my youth-pastor husband, and being an elementary school teacher to the best 4th grade class ever. Then came my absolute favorite years as a stay-at-home-mommy of little ones, starting a small business, and my most recent chapter, a year as a children's ministry director. Every one of these chapters in my life has developed me and refined me in ways unique to that season. And I needed every single one of them before embarking into this next chapter.
But what I needed most was a deeper relationship with my God that I just didn't have the capacity for when I was 20. I thought I loved Him then. And I did. But I needed to go through some hard stuff, and see how He carries me through every time. I needed to experience the hopelessness of infertility, and the overwhelming joy and awe that comes from adopting a child not birthed to you by blood, but birthed in your heart that God delivers like a beautifully wrapped gift at precisely the right moment. I needed to experience the overwhelming sensation of discovering I was pregnant despite the doctor saying I never would be, and knowing that ONLY GOD could do that. I needed to go through some deep waters of anxiety and overwhelm to discover that He really is the only one who can take that burden away, but the key was that I had to LET Him. I needed to learn that though I have been given some natural gifts, they're not for my glory.
I know that now.
I've learned that I'm creative only because I am made the the image of my Creator. And it's only with Him that I can produce anything of true worth.
I've also wrestled with what it looks like to be a Christian creator...
Does that mean you only paint crosses and Bible stories and things with clearly-Christian messages?
While my goal is to produce work that clearly points others to Him, it's the process that I'm really after. While a published book in my hands would feel amazing, I don't want that to be what I'm most striving for. I don't want to dwell on numbers and stats of how many have sold and how many will.
I simply want a life with the space and capacity to create with my Creator, and allow the results fall where they may. If it results in a super Christian story that edifies believers, awesome. If it results in an off-the-wall story that makes me laugh, awesome. (Did you know He loves to hear us laugh?)
I just want to get to know Him more, and in doing so, live in a way that inspires others to get to know Him more too.
So, that's what I'm doing here.
Practically speaking, yes, becoming a published author/illustrator is the goal.
(It'd be nice to help pay the bills while doing what I love.)
But the satisfaction of knowing I'm using my gifts to the best of my ability while spending treasured time with my Father every day is my prize.
It has to be.
It's the only thing that really matters.
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